Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
