After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
