I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize