Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
