69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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