oh god the rape fog is back!
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
