No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
