I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
