I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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