I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
