alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
