if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
