i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
