There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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