Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
