My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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