can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
