ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
