I wish I could teleport
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
