If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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