let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
