i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
