i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
nutella sex= disaster
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
