im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
