please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
