I queefed so loud it echoed.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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