u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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