I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
