youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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