Too much gin, very little bucket
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
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I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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