Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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