I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
