It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize