Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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