just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
