i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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