I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
