i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Never underestimate the power of titties
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
