All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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