the condom got lost in my hair
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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