It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
