think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
