Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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