i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
