How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
