i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
