Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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