You're earring is so big in my mouth
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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