It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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