she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
