rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
