who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My cat gives me a boner
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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