whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
