i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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