Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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