I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
