At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
