My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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