So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
