I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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