I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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