All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
