my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Randomize
